Friday, January 1, 2010

What Betfair Has Done For Me

Well, the end of the year always brings upon reflection for some reason, new years resolutions and what not, really and truly though its just another day and nothing really changes unless you want it to. Why need a new year to change things?

Anyway, what has Betfair done for me? Its changed my life completely and in fact has made me ten times a better person than I was before I discovered it. Now, when Emma comes in from the kitchen and says were out of milk, I just turn and say "has this ever happened before?" In the pub with the lads, instead of taking the mickey and saying everything is a "certainty" I now find myself saying "Ah, 1.01" Although no one will go to the pub with me anymore, two minutes left in the game, what a game, can they hang on.. "Well, its 1.06 they do." Betfair mobile is a great invention!

The biggest change has been, when I'm annoyed or angry instead of telling everyone, I prefer to say seething, not small letters actually capitals, SEETHING. I find myself making up imaginary odds with myself everywhere I go, looking out the window and deciding if its going to rain, 1/3 it does, 3/1 it doesnt. Wouldnt go to college at odds on rain..! Now, when anything good happens I shout "BOOMM, WHOS THE DADDY!" while doing the wanker hand shake to all the losers. Upon hearing what someone else did wrong, I find myself doing the "man with head in hands."

Not to mention when absolutely anything out of the ordinary happens in "real life" or indeed on Betfair, I immediately think "I'll put that on the blog later." Then I discovered the real jackpot, yes thats it, the Betfair forum. Where countless fellow gamblers meet to discuss tactics, race riding and of course what is todays "FREE MONEY" bet. I briefly looked at the chit-chat forum, but I dare not go back, they all talk to code, "spaff on chebbs" and "does she let you in the backdoor" clearly some sort of code for front running and hold up tactics.

So, more and more days past on the horse forum, every second minute spent clicking on refresh to see what was todays "100% LUMP ON JOB," one pro punting window cleaner had even stated that he had his whole bank on a one section, he had insider information. So, I lumped on armed with the knowledge he knew, then sat and watched as the horse, ridden by a fellow called Frank Spencer finished fast on the outside to grab 3rd place. It was only after the race I discovered that "ITS ALL A FIX," "HE WASNT TRYING" and "HE WAS BENT" I was shocked, further more, I never thought a jockeys sexuality had an impact on the result.

Never before I had I thought the sport I love, the sport I get out of bed every day to watch, was all decided in the jockeys room. I've been in the jockeys room, they never talked about this before? I was seething. Alas, it was too late, they were going in for the next race and I had already received 26 tips for it. All of whom lost, before long I found myself roaring "you fooking mug," "useless cooont" and "bleedin' muppit" at the screen.

The days past, losing and losing and losing, no longer had I any faith left in todays "GET ON ITS A CERT" selection. But I knew there was light at the end of the tunnel, daily checks of the soccer forum "how much have you won today" showed that nearly every member was winning, upon clicking on the general forum I noticed thats where all the "pro gamblers" hung out, expressing views about the premium charge, how great it is not to have to work, how much the dole was, what their bank was, even went as far as to tell people about how to bet. I knew they were correct by the way they swore at anyone who disagreed. I knew I could make the game pay.

So, here I am, every day from morning til night, clicking refresh to see if the odds have moved a tick or even two. Armed with the information that if it drifts its "not off" and I'm to lay it for my whole bank. While if its supported I'm to claim "its too short" and I'm to lay it for my whole bank. If it wins, its OK, I didnt lose, because I'll tell everyone I got the "value" and greened up in running. Those gobshites are all wrong, I'm the fooking gambling daddy here.

Happy New Year Everyone..!

2007 Year of the Cow.. We had Mad Cow disease.
2008 Year of the Bird.. We had Avian flu.
2009 Year of the Pig.. We had Swine flu.
2010 Year of the Cock.. Anyone else worried that England will win the World Cup?

(Just to make sure everyone knows, I was taking the piss with everything I said!)


  1. hahahahaha excellent stuff mate!!!!

  2. haha quality

    what is user name on betfair forum?

  3. Sometimes post under Doyler1987.

    My account was banned for sticking up for KF when the court case was on.

  4. ' one pro punting window cleaner '

    how do you come up with them, great stuff PMSL as they say.!

  5. great read as always.